‘Speak softly and carry a big stick. ’
The phrase coined by American president Theodore Roosevelt may have referred to their foreign policy, but it certainly fits the new all-electric BMW i7 perfectly, too.
The silent electric drivetrain may not announce itself as you arrive at your destination, but it will easily see off those big exhaust wannabes at the traffic lights. Without your passengers even realising it. Then there’s the sheer opulence and technical sophistication of the i7 xDrive60. It all takes some time getting used to.
It’s Just A Car. Right?
When assessing a vehicle that costs R 2,800,000+ before options (and there are a lot of those), a mindset shift is required.
Rattling off performance stats or total boot space is as meaningless to its target audience as the price of lunch at the Test Kitchen in Woodstock, Cape Town.
No, when you are wafting along in serene, cocooned silence in the i7, the world becomes a better, more relaxing place to be.
That rough section of road you avoid in every other car. The municipality must have taken care of it overnight.
Those loud hoots from angry drivers at yet another set of broken traffic lights? Who cares, you may as well be reclined in your La-Z-Boy at home watching your widescreen TV.
Need to get by a row of smoky internal combustion tin boxes on your way to a board meeting? Time travel comes as standard equipment.
And how come that song you have heard a thousand times sounds so much better?
You buy a 3 Series when you are going places. You get an i7 when you have already arrived.
One thing’s for certain, your destination better be spectacular if it’s to be an improvement over the interior of the i7. Supremely comfortable Merino leather seats are a given. As is a 1,965-Watt 39-speaker sound system that adds another dimension to your music collection.
But it’s the details that elevate this sort of vehicle from merely impressive to ridiculous. That base R2.8-million price tag already includes just about every luxury you can think of. But the optional extras add a few items you may not know existed at all.
Wool and Cashmere combine with leather in over a dozen colour combinations make for one of the most luxurious interiors around. Smartphone-style controls in the rear doors allow control of various functions.
Opt for the Executive Lounge Package, a not inconsiderable R97,000, and you get what is arguably the pièce de resistance of the entire package: A 31.3-inch widescreen TV that folds down from the roof. Combined with a fully reclining left rear seat and that intense sound system, no movie theater will ever match up again.
Doors that open and close by themselves, massaging seats that have you sitting in the driveway for 30 minutes after you’ve arrived and a panoramic glass roof with dynamic light effects are just some of the impressive options on offer.
As Good To Drive As It Is To Be Driven In
BMW has delivered some world-class driving machines over the years, with looks to match. Its latest designs may not be getting universal praise, but the technology underneath is still as impressive as ever.
It accelerates with that intense immediacy associated with EVs, relenting slightly only once you are well over the legal speed limit. On the Autobahn.
It’s all accompanied by an electric soundtrack composed by Hans Zimmer, yes the guy who composed music for movies like Gladiator and The Lion King.
The i7 glides over rough roads like a steamroller, yet still retains sharp body control. Taking corners far more enthusiastically than something weighing this much should do. The large battery pack mounted between the axles and some trick electronic aids contribute greatly to its stability. If you ever give your driver a day off, he may be relegated to car wash duties on his return.
The i7 is packed with tech that will one day filter down into more accessible cars, but for now it marks the very best in what is possible. Regardless of the manufacturer.
For those of us that will only ever admire this kind of opulence from a healthy distance, we will have to be satisfied with reciting some of the crazy stats to our friends over a braai.
Power: 400kW
Torque: 745Nm
0-100km/h: 4.7 seconds
Range: 625km
Price with all the options: +-R3.5-million
Nothing is perfect though. The test car’s air suspension didn’t like sharp speed bumps, sending an ambience-upsetting clunk into the cabin, and the indicator stalks seem to have been borrowed from a 2 Series. Aside from that, the i7 is good as it gets in this segment. Spending more will yield no more tech. If you want the last word in EV performance, an M70 version with 485kW has just been introduced.
It’s Not For Everyone – But Was It Ever?
Justifying such a show of excess in today’s economic climate may seem a bit crass, yet no one during the test period ever made a disparaging comment about the i7 xDrive60.
Most people stared at it, perhaps taken aback by that imposing grille – lit up at night just in case you miss it. Some came over to see what it looked like inside. Others just gave a friendly thumbs up.
Like it or not, vehicles like this have always existed, signalling a high point in motoring development that is sometimes only appreciated long after the shine has worn off.
It may not be for you, but then perhaps neither was the previous 7 Series. One thing’s for sure, though: those impressive tech features will one day filter down into BMW’s more attainable models, like they always have. Till then, the i7 will carry its big stick in silence, ready to clobber anyone who makes one more disparaging comment about its damn kidney grille.
